Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Faith & Intellectualism

I came back to Blogger today just to record this quote from the book I'm reading, The Longest Bridge Across Water by Jeremy Mangerchine.
"...this kind of faith walk is offensive to many, and those who do not understand often view people  of great faith as being crazy.  That's because faith is not in any way rooted in intellectualism: it is spiritual! And it often does not make any sense at all. It cannot be learned or figured out.  It must be received, freely, by revelation from the Holy Spirit."

Jeremy's brother told me about the book. Jeremy's brother told me he read it in one quick, fast read. He was surprised I hadn't read it completely the day it arrived in the mail. However, I find Jeremy's book to be one of those books I that must read the same sentence, the same paragraph, the same chapter over and over before I move on to the next. In one or two sentences there is so much to take in I don't want to quickly pass it over. I want to ponder what he is saying.

It's not that I don't comprehend Jeremy's thoughts. Rather I understand them all very well. I experienced much of what he is writing about, especially in the 1990's decade and into the 00's.  "One aspect of the mystical union is God's presence in everything. When I first began to experience the presence of God, I became addicted to Him..." I can certainly relate to that statement.

Meanwhile, I had a dream I was married to the Evangelist Daniel Kolenda and I couldn't wait for him to get home so we could go out and spend time together. Instead, he wanted me to leave him alone and  be shut up in a bedroom writing. He was very nice about it, and asked if I would mind not talking and if I would mind letting him write. He felt a little bad about it, but I could see something was right there on his heart that needed written right then.  So I went out by myself perfectly content, but others felt sorry for me. I was a little frustrated with the other people for telling me I should be sad and feel rejected. I thought, what is wrong with you people, can't you see he's writing?


Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Faith Vs Theology

I haven't been on Blogger in a long while, but came here today to record this quote from Frederick Buechner. I was scrolling through Instagram and read Jason Upton's (worship song writer) post. He had snapped a photo of the book he's reading by Frederick Buechner, but I don't know what the title is.  Here;'s the quote I read in the photo that caught my attention:
"Faith is different from theology because theology is reasoned, systematic, and orderly, whereas faith is disorderly, intermittent, and full of surprises."

It reminded me of what I was feeling and expressed on Blogger back on November 9, 2010, "A Tidy Religion"

That is all.

-to da lou

Sunday, April 6, 2014

April Update

I still haven't been in the blogging mood. Yet, I feel the need to give a life update here.

My first grandchild is due to be born in two weeks. This is a big deal. My daughter lives 1,000 miles away. My plan for now is to take vacation time two weeks after the due date. This date coincides with my other daughter's graduation with a masters from U.F. in Gainesville.

My son will finish his second year at Wright State at the end of the month. He won't be able to take the trip to see his first niece or nephew because of finals.  There's a wedding in Ohio in June which my pregnant daughter will be officiating. So, he can meet his wee nephew or niece in June when she journeys the 1,000 miles with her little family in order to marry her cousin. (God Willing) PS: this wedding should be a grand time-it'll be on the farm. I do love farm weddings.

Rheinhard Bonnke praying for people
Ok, so what else. Olin and I took a pilgrimage to Pittsburgh to see Rheinhard Bonnke &; Daniel Kolenda. It was a breakfast fundraiser and there were 800 people there. (Instead of the, you know, 4 or 5 million people that usually attend a Rheinhard Bonnke Revival.)... It was extremely meaningful to me and I can speak for Olin, for him as well. As soon as I sat down at the table & met our table mates who had travelled greater distances than I, I was so uplifted. "I'm with my people!" What a feeling to be with "your people." Man Alive. That's all I'm going to say now. Just thinking about the meeting brings a warm feeling to my heart. In fact, for days since the trip I keep getting what I can only describe as "glory-rushes" as a result of this meeting. It happens without warning usually when I'm driving, or doing dishes or in the shower. The Love of Christ is real and it does make me sad people haven't felt it or known it. It is very real and powerful. There's power in Love. Yeah, that's all I'm going to say for now. A young man at the table next to me emailed me a photo of Rheinhard & Daneil that he took on his i-pad.

Daniel Kolenda praying for people
Daniel Kolenda explaining the fund-raising campaign One Soul, which of course I signed up for. I even got a mug
We drove back to c-bus through pouring down rain that turned to ice/rain/snow. I even drove on the freeway for over an hour. The 24 hours following that meeting were rather incredible. First thing in the morning, we prayed over the entire church, each person individually. We met a young Mennonite man at church who had been at the same meeting. What a surprise, one of my people at my own church! Of course we immediately connected. Then following we went and prayed for a woman in the hospital. There's other stuff, but it was a wonder-ful pilgrimage.

Oh, the worship leader, Mike Motley. Click on his name for his website www.fathershouse-music.com   I had never heard of him before. I spoke to him afterward because as soon as I saw him I thought of "Lonnie Frisbee."  So I went up to him and asked him if he had heard of Lonnie Frisbee. He hadn't. Mike told me he was a teenager and young adult at Brownsville AG when the revival broke out there. He was actually Daniel's teacher at Brownsville and Daniel was attending the School of Worship there. Then Daniel became Rheinhard's apprentice and went on to big, big revivals. He said Daniel had called him and asked him to lead worship for the fundraiser breakfast. I really, really like this Motley guy. He has a special needs daughter and he has a sweet and devout presence. I started following him on facebook.

My freeway fears are diminishing. I am working through a workbook with a PhD student. I wish I did the homework faithfully and I'd be further ahead than I am.I'm only half way through learning the tools and skills needed. It really is very interesting how the thoughts and body work, and what I'm learning has already carried over into other areas of my life. too. So yeah for CBT! It's working (so far) (God Willing).

I gained 25 pounds since June. I haven't exercised. I've eaten a lot of junk and drank a lot of alcohol, so what should I expect? Now that I've been with Daniel Kolenda and Rheinhard Bonnke I feel like I can get off my duff and do something about these depressing habits.

So that's the April update.

To Da Lou!

Monday, February 24, 2014

Driving on the Freeway

Something is new in my life. Last week  I started therapy with a PhD student at The Ohio State University to try and overcome my fear of driving on the freeway, over bridges, and up over-passes. The problem began in 2002. One day driving to Cincinnati with one of my darling daughters to a dance competition,  I drove onto the bridge to cross the mighty Ohio River and suddenly got hot, sweaty and exceedingly nervous. I was afraid I would pass out. I distracted myself with singing loudly and patting my palms on the wheel as they were getting slippery and sweaty.

I met a college friend who lives on the other side of the river and told him that I think I had a panic attack and wasn't sure I could drive back over the bridge to go home. He encouraged me and somehow I drove back home. I had a several more trips to Cincinnati for one reason or another and the same thing happened each time, only the panic would set in about 5 miles north of the river. I decided to never drive to Cincinnati again.

I make my living as a real estate agent and it requires a lot of driving. Little by little, year after year, portions of the freeway became off limits for me. Now years and years later I am only driving on back roads and even in some instances I can barely get over over-passes or through huge intersections that have 8 lanes or more. My city grows daily and continues to get bigger, higher and higher over -passes with more and more traffic.

Since 2010 I started telling most real estate buyers that I don't take the freeways. So, either they can drive and I'll get in their car, or if I drive I will be taking back roads. I justified this behavior because many times I arrive at a house via back roads  10 minutes before the Buyers who took the freeway. The congestion on the freeway makes back roads faster perhaps 50% of the time. However, this is no way to live.

I have searched for years and years for a treatment and solution to no avail. I decided I'd probably end up one of these people who never drive and eventually will end my real estate career. Yet, last week messing around on google, I stumbled on a pdf article written by a researcher at The Ohio State University. His research paper written in 2002 used two groups of people with OCD. Both groups stopped medication. One group did Cognitive Behavior Therapy for 12 sessions. The other group did regular talk therapy. The group that did CBT was symptom free six months after the study. The other group was back on medication and somewhat worse in symptoms. Though my symptoms aren't OCD I wondered if panic could be treated with CBT. I decided to try and find this researcher at OSU, but he had moved on to the University of Florida in Gainesville as a professor.

I then decided to type in the words "anxiety clinic" in OSU's search box. Ta-Da, there is such a thing and the best part? It's FREE! In exchange for being a working with a student and agreeing to be video taped for educational training purposes, the service is free. I asked them if they could help me drive on the freeway and the answer was "it's certainly possible!"

I went last week for my first session and met my counselor. I'm old enough to be her mom and I could tell she was a little nervous. She did a great job though, and I think we can work well together.
We are going to work through a book and I just read Chapter 1. Chapter 1 actually made a few bells ring for me as to what was happening in my life back in 2002. I hope after 13 weeks I will be driving on the freeway again. I also have a terror of heights, and some of these overpasses are like a roller coaster, which I hate. Just today on a back road I had to go up, up, up an over pass and I thought for sure I was going to pass out. My stomach flipped just like it does on a roller coaster and I got dizzy.  I just kept my foot on the gas pedal and both hands on the wheel. I lived through it, but that wasn't even an 8 lane freeway with a sky high entry ramp and bumper to bumper 75 mile an hour traffic. I can't wait until I conquer this thing!

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

-6 degrees.

It's cold out. It's 65 degrees in the house. The furnace is trying to heat up the house to 70, but it's not making it. I haven't been on Blogger for months it seems. Just read through the blogs I follow and I have missed a lot. Life goes on.  I just haven't been up to it, so there you go. I've been sick (no shock there) only this time besides Trigeminal Neuralgia I had the real live influenza. Had it a full 7 days and then I had one day of wellness, and, then ka-bam I got hit with TN pain that kept me writhing in pain for 3 whole days. It's actually a bit hard to recover from these spells-I must move very slowly and try to catch up on tasks and chores that went undo for months. Yeah, it's not the best way to live.

So, incorporating Joy into my life is a daily aim of mine. If I was healthy I would judge people who watch tv and say very haughty things about television. However, sigh, I am so thankful for the creative and greedy souls who make tv shows and movies. It's given me some laughter and food for thought when I all can do is lie in bed or on the couch.  My eyes hurt too much to read, can't do a craft, can't do much of anything but lie around. I've enjoyed some Turner Classic Movies, Big Bang Theory and Modern Family for laughs, and Hallmark Channel, and PBS shows like Sherlock, Father Brown, and Doc Martin. Not Downton Abbey. I hate that show with a passion. Rick Steve's Travel shows kept me daydreaming about Europe. Crazy shows like Pawn Stars and Storage Wars are oddly entertaining. I've even enjoyed following a show where they look for Big Foot. Very interesting.

Today is better. I picked up some clients and have a few people in contract in spite of "the pain"
So God is watching out for me and bringing me people who need to buy or sell a house. I'm very thankful for that.

So, I'm still around for now. Looking forward to more mobile and healthy times.

To Da Lou!