Friday, September 30, 2011

Waiting on Myself

First of all, I realize I need to change the sub heading of this here blog. I'm not middle-aged anymore. If I were (was?) that would mean I'd live to 100 years old. I suppose it's possible. It's just not likely since I spent a lot of time in the sun.

So I need to change that. I've been directionless over the past year, too, and I'd like to change that.

I started up the "success group" with some other agents again. We had our first meeting Tuesday. I'm waiting around right now on their conference call. We are going to conference in, say, "Ready, Set, Go" and then make phone calls to anyone we know who is alive and breathing. Just a little chat to ask for a referral.. Then an hour later, we'll conference in to see if anyone got an appointment. Since our last group met, one gal changed brokers. She invited a new gal from an entirely different broker. Plus, we got a new gal from my broker. So the group is different now with agents joining. The big change, of course: my close friend isn't there anymore because she passed away in March.

I had tried the success group in May after my friend passed away, but I couldn't get into it. I was grieving. My grief-driven thoughts back in May went like this:

My friend who passed away had a goal with our group. She wanted to sell own home which had been on the market for awhile. Though gorgeous it overlooked a noisy freeway. My friend wanted to sell that big house and buy a beautiful, brand new luxury condo. She attributed to me her success in reaching her goal. She took my advice and put a huge photo of the new condo on her car key chain. Eevery time she started her car she looked at a photo of the luxury condo. This caused her to "focus" on that goal. She successfully sold the house (which was like a miracle) and moved into her new condo. I remember her hugging herself, saying, "Oh, I love it! I love my new condo!"

Then, a month after she moved in she got sick, had surgery, and passed away.

Because of these series of events, I had a hard time setting any goals. My grief over losing someone I really liked and enjoyed professionally and spiritually clouded my thoughts about success and goals. I just could not move into success thinking. I kept pondering how vain it is to have goals. Life is vain. Why try? I kept thinking how she only got to enjoy her beautiful success for only one month. You need to know that my friend was not greedy or materialistic. She loved Jesus with all her heart and was incredibly generous and loving toward others.

I know a lot of my aversion to goal setting and getting into success mode was influenced by the grief. Intellectually I knew this, so I tried to participate in the success group for mutual motivation and support back in May. Yet, I couldn't push through. I did reach out to my sphere of influence and the result was in deed new business, but not at the volume I need in order to make a living. I kept sabotaging myself and spinning my wheels. Being busy without accomplishing anything. Trapped in deals that led no where, and burdened by business expenses. Ads I purchased, mailings, fees for internet sites, all for nada. zip. zero.

I started to speak the Word of God out loud, "forgetting the past I press onward toward the mark." Or, "I can do all things through Christ" Or, "I am a victorious over comer by the word of my testimony." Or, "I'm blessed beyond the curse" and "goodness and mercy follows me" This practice is somewhat amazing. It is much different than silent prayer, and listening prayer. Standing tall, speaking out loud the truth of my situation even though I don't "feel" it shook some life back into me. The truth is I'm a winner. The truth is I'm the head and not the tail. The truth is I have dominion on this earth. Even though I do not feel it, that is the spiritual truth. My whole outlook began to change from self-pity to forward movement. There is something in saying it out loud.

Next came a big boost. I found out if I sold another house by a particular builder, I will get a bonus from the builder. He'll give me a paid trip for 2 to Palm Springs, CA and a good amount of spending money. I printed off an 8x10 photo of the resort in Palm Springs, and the dessert. They have horseback riding, too!! I wrote on the photo, "Sell 1 by September 30th" and placed it on my steering wheel. I really wanted the trip. I prayed about this every day. I'm happy to say I am in deed now in contract on a little condo with the builder. So, as long as the loan is approved by the bank, I'm headed to Palm Springs! I've never been west of Wyoming! I'm excited.

There really is nothing like a little success to foster an attitude of success. The group reminded me Tuesday that our friend got to enjoy her luxurious home and was thrilled with achieving her goal. She wasn't sitting around waiting for her illness to take her. She was living her life and experiencing joy. Even more good news, that condo didn't sit on the market forever when her daughters had to sell it after her death. It sold in two days. God was there blessing the whole thing. Yet, in grief, it doesn't feel like God is on my side. Feelings and reality are two different things.

As I sit here waiting for the conference call I like to imagine my friend in heaven. She is probably checking out the progress on all our mansions as they are being prepared. She is probably thrilled with the real estate in heaven. I imagine her meeting her loved ones with clipboard in hand, and saying, "wait until I show you the selection of mansions we have here in heaven! You're going to love this neighborhood."

1 comment:

  1. How fun that you will be possibly coming out west. Palm Springs is really nice too; I'm sure you will like it!

    I pray scripture a lot and I pray out loud, can't pray in my head, get too distracted. I think God likes to hear his word back to him.

    Grief is hard to deal with, especially with someone you really enjoyed knowing and spending time with; it does take time and is a process as you are finding out, but her memory will live on as you continue to incorporate how she did things in your own business; good luck with the success group!