Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dreamt of My Life

As I slept in the dreamland this morning I was aware of my body being half awake yet half asleep in my oh, so comfy bed. The morning light was about to slip into the room. and my life began too play before my mind's eyes. I saw certain moments in time in my past. Each event and scene was illuminated and framed by a bright, warm almost golden, yet silvery glow. It was an unusual light that was not like sunlight, moonlight, but similar. As I peered into each scene a joy filled my consciousness and a pure delight filled my heart. I exclaimed to myself in my mind, "Look! I had an amazing life!" Gratitude and joy unspeakable consoled me as I lie there and watch scene after scene. I was surprised by each scene and amazed at the fortune I had in each circumstance. I could not have planned such wonderful happenstances if I tried. Treasurer hunters go in search of gold or diamonds. I just went moved aimlessly through my life and stumbled upon treasures that currencies could never buy.

I felt like I was floating bodiless through a dark expanse of time along the line of my life and peering into it. Sort of like Charles Dickens' character Scrooge was escorted through his life, I too had a companion. I had no ghost escorting me, instead the expanse that surrounded me was enveloping me and was with me as a constant companion and a caring, nurturing source of comfort.

I saw myself take my very first horseback riding lesson at the Smiley "R" Ranch on Smiley Road. The feeling that 10 year old me had looking out the car window as we approached the small red barn with silver metal roof and the white horse fencing was recalled. How could I have had such amazing luck as finding the Smiley R Ranch? Just recalling that moment now brings incredible tears of joy to me. I'm actually wiping away large tear drops as I write this.

Another scene was me on the hardwood floors of my charming first home in front of the marble fireplace playing with my toddler. Each little ringlet of curled hair and dark eyelash was a treasure to behold. Wow. Was all I could say. What a wonderful life I have had!

I could see the sidewalk that led out the door of my charming little house that led to adventure: a park, a carryout, and a delightful neighbor across the street. How could I possibly have been so incredibly fortunate to meet Blanche and her cheerfulness and readiness for inclusion, friendship and the outings we would embark on. I pondered this glorious gift. Was it an accident that I stumbled across the street to be greeted by such happy comraderie to enjoy for my whole life?

The dream continued and I arose to a fully awakened state of joy at the realization that my life wasn't "hidden," "wasted," "worthless," "unnoticed," "meaningless," "vain." My life actually astounded me. This is a Supernatural joy. A Supernatural communication from the One who formed me, the one who watches over me, the One who abides in and with me forever.

If you've wondered why I subtitled this blog calling myself a mystic, it's because I have known and experienced this Supernatural Love of God through the power of the Holy Spirit and work of Christ.

Those sound like gobbledy goop words, or some religious expression doesn't it? Let me try to put in simple terms what I have experienced. God heard my prayers and my heart cries yesterday and He gave me an answer in my sleep. Why did He answer me in my sleep? Because I am stubborn in my conscious thinking and not open to the possibilities of what He wants to show me in my awakened state. He chose to speak to me while I was vulnerable and not able to rise up and say, "no, that's not true!" Why do I resist this Great Love so much? Why do I doubt the Love of God? I do not know the answer. Only to say that this flesh I'm in, wants to party and carouse while it's living this short time on this planet. Yet, I'm more than this flesh I'm in. I'm not just on this planet. I'm in a different kingdom at the same time, though often so unaware of the unseen Hand of God.
My spirit that is me feels so tiny, so small, and my flesh, with it's bitterness and heartbreak, so big and loud.

Yesterday, my attitude was so bad. Why does everything have to be so incredibily hard? Why should I try at this thing called life when I'm just gonna die anyway and be forgotten? I didn't get an answer yesterday. Instead I doubted the whole purpose of the Life thing. By sheer determination alone I put one foot in front of the other and pushed on with the duties I had bound myself to that day.
Though I tried to get very quiet and listen for a "still small voice" I was too caught up in the cares of this world and let those cares choke off any joyful truth.

Yet there in my oh so comfy bed, passed out and quiet I was taken on a little journey and caressed with tender mercies. I hope you can know this joy too.

Epilogue: my teenage son asked me how my sleep was last night. I told him amazing, why? He answered, I prayed over the house before I went to sleep and rebuked all evil.
Again! How did I get so lucky? A son who prays and commands the darkness away from my home. Amazing. I'd say God answered his prayer, too.

1 comment:

  1. this whole thing made me cry! Thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete