Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Can't Stop That Judging Feeling

A month or so ago I came into an awareness that I was judging people. I would never have thought this was so, but I read a blog post by Anomyous Thoughts in which she commented that she judged what people are like just by what they are wearing. Interesting, I thought. Not something I do, so I went on to other things.. However, this anonymous thought stayed in my mind like a pebble stuck in my shoe. As the day went on I had to stop and take this thought out and really examine it. You see, I haven't landed in a church family yet. Never did I suspect I was making judgements just based on how women wear their hair or the the type of clothing they wear, or the way they talk. I suddenly realized I was doing just that. Could that be why I hadn't connected or bonded with a church after all this time? I didn't even bother to talk to most women, and chose instead to just walk out after the service and decide I had nothing in common with them.

All of this church visiting, and walking away, and subconcious judging was going on all the while I was craving female fellowship. Nostalgic for the past, the amazing prayer meetings and accountability groups I have been in over the years, I've had a longing for the past in my heart.
So, I consciously chose this past month to engage with women that I normally wouldn't. I decided to stop my " just smile and slink away" behavior.

What I believe I've discovered from this experiment is this: my first impressions are actually accurate. What is that "commonality" that I'm looking for, for which I'm longing? It's a fire in the soul. It's a craving for the lost to be found. A Love that surpasses what's on sale at Kroger. It's a love that surpasses differences and fantastically makes our differences super cool and far out and fun to enjoy.
It's mysterious. It's a "seeing" that some don't see, and a "hearing" that some don't hear. Honestly, I don't know if they choose to not see, and choose to not hear, but the fact remains that no matter what I say or do, some will just look at me oddly, and then they will smile and just slink away.


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